The Dark Years: An Excerpt From A College Paper

The beginning of my adolescence began at the early age of 10, that’s when I started my period. I wouldn’t say I was totally prepared but then I wasn’t unprepared either. The year before I watched the puberty video at school, my older sister had already started hers, and I lived in a house of only women, so I knew physically how to handle it. But what I was totally unprepared for was the emotional rollercoaster that comes with the hormone changes. For the first few years of puberty I had no idea why I was always emotional. I was the type of kid that could go from totally happy one moment and depressed and crying the next. Well maybe not quit that quickly but within the hour for sure. This emotional rollercoaster I was on led to what my family call the “Dark Years”. They say it in jest now, but we all know that at the time it was unpleasant.


My Dark Years were exactly that. I made everything around me dark. I tried to wear all dark colors, but my mom wouldn’t let me go all the way. She would tell me that she’s not going to let her child wear all black, and since she was paying she made the rules. At the time I also wore all boy clothing. This desire for nothing form fitting, nothing to define my body as girly stems from one major event. Ricky Nelson pointing at my breast in 6th grade and saying very clearly and loudly “Sara you have the biggest tits in class!” I was so embarrassed and almost ashamed of my body that I swore I would not be humiliated like that again.

This desire to wear dark clothing and be androgynous lasted as long as my Dark Years, the years of Junior High. Another way of showing the darkness that I felt was my room. At some point in those brief but painful and confusing years I put up a brown sheet in front of my window. I can’t remember why I first put up the sheet, but I do remember I liked the effect of darkness it brought to my room. To add to the darkness of my room I would turn the light off and read by candle light so that I could be surrounded by darkness. But the true darkness in my life came from my emotions.


During my Dark Years I would feel deep depression that made me only want to sleep. I desired to sleep all the time, knowing that sleep made the sadness stop. Looking back I don’t really know why I was so sad. I had awesome friends that I would spend at least a few days with after school with, who I could go to if I had a problem and they always made me laugh. I played soccer, which at the time I loved but totally sucked at. And I had the most amazing family.



Family:we all remember those years of my life. Man did they suck. This is just part of a paper I had to write about my teen years,. Let me tell you it wasn't easy to write, remembering back how horrible and selfish I was. Yuck!